I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
