yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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