I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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