Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
