i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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