party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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