Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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