Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
