I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
