i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
