True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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