I think im going to throw up on grandma
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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