He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
