I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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