And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
