Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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