it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
