I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
