ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
