she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
