Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
