No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
