My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
