I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
