when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
