oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
