Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
