so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
