You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
