i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
