don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
