Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
