I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
even my farts smell like vagina
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
