guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
