I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
