Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
