You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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