K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
