My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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