just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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