i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
