when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize