i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
