my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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