First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
