I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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