he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
