4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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