who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
