Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
