You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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