I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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