Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh god it's open bar.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
