this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
