i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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