Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
