Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
