if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
