I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
