I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
