You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
