Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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