I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
