it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
