that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That accounts for only three of the penises
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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