Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.

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(914): View more from New York

woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.

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(773): View more from Illinois

What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?

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