you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
