If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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