Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
