my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
