Nicole vs. Life
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
