Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
