meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
