There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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