Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
