he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
