You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
